hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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