and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
