So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
