Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
