Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
