no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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