4 words: hood of his car
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm both gender and math confused
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