Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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