K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
