I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
