i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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