These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
