He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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