dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
