Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
