We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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