I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
