I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
