If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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