Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
