Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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