you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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