Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
