I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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