forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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