we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
