apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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