a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
