operation harelip BJ is a go
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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