I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
