Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
