I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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