its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
