I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
