vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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