That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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