I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
