Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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