so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
