Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
