Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
