totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wear drunk well.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
