In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
