Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
