I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
