So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
