It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
