I cockslap morals
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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