I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
