I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
