I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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